…. or should that be arse?

For the first time in its history, The Bug’s Media Glass House overall Arse-Licker For the Year award has not gone to one of our monthly winners throughout 2022!

In a major break from tradition, our Arse-Licker judges simply could not let the moment pass without presenting a joint award to almost everybody in the Australian MSM who played any role in bringing the momentous political events of the year to a grateful Australian populace.

One of our senior Arselicker judges said: “We really do dips our lids to all those in the MSM – from the political reporters and columnists, to the subeditors and layout artists and senior editors, to the radio shock jocks and those who framed the TV news bulletins – who worked assiduously throughout 2022 to keep Australia free from Labor governments at federal and state level.

“They were true ringmasters and the coits of the likes of Rupert Murdoch, Peter Costello and other board members at Nine Entertainment Co., Seven West Media’s Kerry Stokes, whoever is unfortunate enough to own the Ten Network at the moment and dear, dear Ita Buttrose and her senior executives at the ABC almost had perpetual rings of confidence as we took in the March state election in South Australia, the federal election in May and the Victorian state poll in late November.

“For most of the year, you could have safely eaten a meal off the muckholes of any of the people who run our metropolitan dailies, TV and radio stations and of course our public broadcaster.

“The amount of money these good folk must have saved on dunny paper over the year would have been substantial.

“It’s almost impossible to single out any one moment in a stellar year of frenzied rectal tongue work but our judging panel wants to make special mention of the way the MSM valiantly tried to portray the federal election polls that stubbornly pointed to a Labor majority in May as proof that a hung parliament disaster loomed and it was best for voters to stick with the devil they knew! (image at top).

“It was an absolute nonsense to suggest that if the LNP and Labor were roughly on equal primary votes, then chaos loomed but to their credit the MSM gave it their best shot! We must single out Nine Entertainment Co’s Phillip Coorey and Chris Uhlmann for leading the charge with that rubbish. How they pressed that argument without blushing is a mystery to all of us here at The Bug, considering Labor eventually won outright victory with only 32.6 per cent of the primary vote, compared with the LNP’s 35.7. It’s what happens when the other Left party, The Greens grab 12.2 per cent.

“It’s truly remarkable that so many MSM politics bods were happy to appear totally ignorant of our compulsory preferential voting system – to make themselves look totally fucking stupid over and over again for a cause they thought was Right – just so they could get their tongues as far inside the freckles of their bosses as possible. Some of these media bosses virtually had their tonsils tickled.

“At least Uhlmann had the decency to get out of his version of journalism at Channel 9; why Coorey still has a job is a complete mystery until you remember Michael Stutchbury helms The Australian Financial Review.“

The Bug’s Arselicker judges also wanted to pay special tribute to the MSM over other key facets of the 2022 federal election.

Firstly, their almost total devotion to the belief that a first-day “gaffe” by Anthony Albanese had cost Labor the election. Few banged on more with this absurd observation than Michael Rowland at our supposedly fair and balanced ABC.

Secondly, Scott Morrison had a second “miracle” win in him if he simply repeated his winning 2019 template: tell monstrous lies about Labor, conduct endless photo-opportunities and let an obscene amount of pre-election-period taxpayer-funded advertising, a relentless rerun $100 million media ad campaign by Clive Palmer and a biased MSM to get him across the line; and

Thirdly, for the entire Canberra gallery for their persistence with the “Barnaby Joyce is the greatest retail politician ever to stagger the earth” line when the May result proved it is and always was bullshit. Maybe it was the most sophisticated ironic in-joke in media history? Nah!

Joyce, who drunkenly shouted he wanted government out of his life the moment he wasn’t in charge of government, and Scott Morrison who sookily expressed similar thoughts after his loss, that all governments were dangerous and to be avoided at all costs unless he, he, he, he and he were in charge of them, have proven to be the two worst pollies ever to inflict themselves on Australia yet the MSM – almost to a man and woman – thought they should be reelected.

So get your hands around our Arse-Licker for 2022 trophy, MSM! You have well and truly earned it.

Finally, can we just say to all of those in the MSM who now share this uncoveted award: for fuck’s sake go and have a long gargle and spit. We can smell your shitty breath from here!

Don Gordon-Brown