BEIJING: In further proof of the success of Foreign Minister Penny Wong’s recent lightening trip here, Chinese President Xi Jingping has presented Australia with an amazing Christmas gift offer.

In a communique released overnight, Xi says his government has no intention of starting any war with “my good friends Down Under” until Australia has its full complement of long-range nuclear-powered submarines “capable of threatening our very shores” in 20 to 30 years’ time.

“Any war worth starting let alone fighting should last into the late afternoon of the first day at the very least,” Xi said.

***

SYDNEY: Online bookies have slashed the odds of Opposition Leader Chris Minns winning next March’s NSW state election following news that not only has the beachside rental the Minns family is holidaying at got stairs leading up to it but Mrs Minns might have been involved in a car accident a decade ago even though she was totally blameless as to its cause.

“If the mainstream media get hold of these stories and run with them vigorously over the next three months, Minns and Labor should be a shoo-in no matter how toxic or dictatorial he is,” a Sportsbet spokesperson said.