The Victorian Liberal Party is expected soon to endorse an interim leader following the decision by Mathew Guy to step down as Opposition Leader in the wake of the party’s massive loss at the 26 November state election.

Party sources said Liberal MPs were likely to install a large rancid coil of human faeces (main picture) to serve in the job until a permanent leader could be parachuted into parliament before the 2026 election.

“The big pile of useless crap is certainly the frontrunner at the moment,” one MP said on condition of anonymity.

“We figure that under a mute, smelly, fly-blow heap of shit we can’t do any worse than we did with Matthew Guy

“The shit heap, and I don’t mean Matthew, will hold the fort so to speak while we recruit a new leader and find a seat in the lower house for him or her or them.

“We’ve really got nothing to lose. I mean, a silent pile of crap can’t get us into too much trouble, can it?

“And even if the shitheap lasts as leader until we head to the polls in 2026 we can still rely on the Murdoch and Nine Entertainment media to support it and us no matter what,” the MP said.

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Online rideshare company Uber says it is happy to pay the $21 million fine handed down by the Federal Court yesterday.

The court issued the penalty after Uber was found to have misled customers about fare estimates and cancellation fees.  

An Uber spokesperson said the company would pay the massive fine immediately.

“We’ll be paying the fine in an ‘old school’ way. We’ll be drawing a cheque today and delivering it to the court registry before the day is out,” the spokesperson said.

“The Federal Court is happy with that arrangement and has even agreed to pay the cost of the Uber car carrying the cheque.

“We estimate, after considering likely customer demand this arvo and factoring in our surge-pricing, that the fare should come to $21 million.”

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