MELBOURNE: Police here have praised an unnamed employee at the Herald Sun building in the inner-city for saving an untold number of lives during last night’s Victorian election count.

The Bug understands that just prior to senior editorial and management figures starting to gather in the building’s red-cedar (not mahogany) panelled boardroom to watch the votes flow in, the staffer grabbed all the knives, corkscrews and other sharp objects from all the drawers in the antique sideboards and various liquor cabinets lining the room’s walls.

“His sensible and timely actions have clearly saved countless lives,” a Victorian Police media spokesperson told us.

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MELBOURNE: Sunday shoppers around Victoria have been shocked to find the shelves of their local supermarkets stripped bare of eggs of any description.

A Coles spokesperson told The Bug: “It was of some comfort to them when we explained where all the eggs had gone …. to the faces of countless members of the fourth estate and their close mates and collaborators, the Liberal Party state election campaign strategists.”