VICTORIAN ELECTION:

Coalition leader, Liberal Party campaign manager, and News Corp co-chair Rupert Murdoch has conceded defeat in the Victorian state election.

In a speech beamed live from his ranch in the US state of Montana where he is in ongoing isolation with a severe case of irrelevance, which sources said worsened overnight, Mr Murdoch said it was now clear that Premier Dan Andrews had won the election. (main picture)

“The figures available this morning confirm what was clear from early in the count last night, that the Liberal Party-News Corp Australia coalition is not in a position to form government,” he said.

“We were expecting to be celebrating a win, so this is a disappointing and unfortunate outcome given the tremendous effort and energy invested in the anti-Labor campaign by me, my associated entities such as my Melbourne daily turdbloid the Herald Sun newspaper, my loss-leading national broadshit The Australian, Sky News, and my army of far right-wing commentators, as well as my lickspittle editors and reporters.

“While further analysis of the voting patterns will need to be undertaken, at this stage it seems that Premier Andrews was returned because voters did not listen to our clear and persistent message that they shouldn’t vote for him or the Labor Party.

“This is now the third election in a row at which Victorian voters have defied my instructions. They really need to smarten themselves up.”

Despite the massive electoral rebuff he sustained, Mr Murdoch said he would continue as leader of the Liberal Party-News Corp Australia coalition.

“Despite the defeat at yesterday’s election I can assure everyone that I am ready to continue working hard to tear down the just re-elected Andrews Government just as I am working hard to defeat or prevent the election of Labor governments elsewhere in the nation regardless of the views of voters,” he said.

“While my success rate on that front right now is none-for-none, our job continues and our focus now turns to the March 2023 election in NSW.

“I can tell you that our work in NSW has started in earnest. I’ve already directed the Daily Telegraph editor, whatshisname, to make an independent editorial decision to send reporters out to count the front steps at Chris Minns’s holiday home,” Mr Murdoch confided.