Over the decades, I’ve seen some election campaigns derail in the final stages but, fair suck of the Kevin sauce bottle, this Victorian state poll is a doozie.

A week out from polling day, the LNP campaign appears to be imploding before our eyes … well, as long as they’re not journalists’ eyes.

One of the main enjoyments I have derived from keenly watching these events most of my adult life is to try to get a sense of which direction any last-week swing is taking …. if there’s one on at all.

And I’m here to declare that my ever-increasing gut feeling tells me that no matter how far ahead the Daniel Andrews’ Labor team was in the first weeks of the campaign, I promise to go out and buy a hat and eat it if counting next Saturday night doesn’t confirm that Andrews and his crew are now coming home with a wet and full sail with the bad ship LNP out of sight and listing badly.

And that prediction is not at all based on yesterday’s traincrash of an interview by Opposition Leader Matthew Guy (at top) over his referral to the Independent Broad-based Anti-corruption Commission (IBAC) by the Victorian Electoral Commission. (Memo self: we’re gonna need a bigger and better metaphor for interviews like that one).

No. Being a bit of a leftie is not the main reason I’m hoping the electorate map of Victoria not too far into next Saturday night’s count looks as red as the camping ground at Kings Canyon.

As a bloke proud of his half-century plying the wonderful craft of journalism, I want to watch the count a week tonight, glass in hand, and imagine the squirming going on, the veritable egg on the face, of all the mainstream mediocre “journalists” who tried their very, very, worst to create a blue wave for this election.

You’ve all made me almost ashamed of my career path. The whole fucking lot of you. Not just the Herald Sun (today’s splash at right). The Age as well. 3AW’s right-wing nut job and oral sewer Neil Mitchell. The Australian. (Hi, Rachel! Hate your work!) Sky News too. And saddest of all, the ABC. You too, Michael Rowland. You can all go fuck yourselves with a rubber hose.

I don’t give a flying fuck what all of you LNP apologists with your brown noses far up editors’ arses want to call yourselves but just not journalists, okay? That shits and offends me no end.

I might need my alternate dinkus handy – the one with egg on my own face – because I’m not 100 per cent sure of this yet, but I believe Rowland’s News Breakfast program on Friday did not mention Guy’s referral to IBAC. My research is not yet complete but I suspect and have been told by others that ABC News generally gave it little or no coverage.

If that’s largely true and Rowland especially doesn’t have a problem with that – having conducted a shitty, unprofessional “interview” with Andrews where he demanded the Premier explain why four IBAC inquiries had mentioned him – then I’ll double the diameter of that rubber hose and demand he insert it without the vas.

You know what the saddest thing about all this? What say there is a flaw to Andrews’ character. I haven’t seen it but what if there is a dark spot on his character and integrity deserving of further scans? A fair, professional forensic analysis.

The rotten, biased, unprofessional, MSM in Victoria have banged on so long and so hard these past weeks with absolute nonsense about the car crash involving the Premier’s wife a decade ago and all this front-page bullshit and two-page spreads about the two-plank stairs Andrews fell on last year that decent, thinking, reasonable people now don’t believe a thing they read or hear from them.

And that’s on your own heads, you “stars” of the mainstream mediocre.

You stupid, stupid, cunts.

Don Gordon-Brown