RACE RELATIONS:

The Australian Broadcasting Corporation has come under intense criticism for repeatedly calling the new United Kingdom Prime Minister Rishi Sunak “a person of colour”.

A furious Aunty Pauline (above}, proud leader of the white indigenous One Nations people, repeatedly rang the ABC switchboard and threatened legal action and demanded to speak directly to ABC chair Ita Buttrose after she heard an interview on the Radio National breakfast program on Monday morning where both host Patricia Karvelas and her interviewee, a London School of Economics expert, called Mr Sunak a person of colour.

A still livid Auntie Pauline, from the onemulletandsmallchips tribe from the Ipswich region in south-east Queensland, could barely control her anger when she spoke to The Bug early this morning.

“White is a colour!” she repeated over and over again, her voice wavering with emotion and filled with jumbled syntax.

“White is a colour, is it not?” Aunty Pauline yelled again and again, clearly not expecting or indeed wanting an answer.

“You go down to Bunnings and ask for colour snatches (sic) for white and there’s literally hundreds of colour whites to choose from.

“You never hear them say: ‘sorry, white is not a colour’, do you?”

“Drive though any new estates anywhere around Australia and what colour are most of the non-brick houses painted? WHITE!

“Drive through the older suburbs in Ipswich or anywhere else for that matter and what are the old renovated Queenslanders invariably painted? W.H.I.T.E. White. White. White. Many of them used to be that dreadful mission brown.

“You rarely see that or any other shade of dirty brown and you never, ever, see black, thank God. Home owners aren’t that stupid, especially if they want to see their property values rise.”

Aunty Pauline, who also sits in the Australian Senate when time permits, warned all media outlets, and not just the ABC, to desist from “these blatant attempts by the mainstream media to denigrate or marginalise our white indigenous One Nations people”.

Aunty Pauline famously had the hashtag @whitelivesmatter publicly tattooed on both her buttocks several years ago – or at least she tried to until the tattooist ran out of ink – and also successfully got the Senate to agree to a motion demanding that all lives mattered.

Aunty Pauline added that there was not a racist bone in her body and she wished Mr Ratsac (sic) well even though he reportedly suffered from Hinduism.

“I know nothing about this disease that apparently inflicts (sic) people of Artesian (sic) decent, but I really do hope it is treatable and Mr Rucksack (sic again) can go on to lead Great Britain for many years to come.

“I just think he needs to be correctly described as what he clearly is – ‘a person of non-white colour’,” Aunty Pauline said.