CONSULTING:

A major consulting firm has defended its work on a project started under the Morrison Government to “rebrand” the Bureau of Meteorology.

This week it was revealed the BOM had paid $70,000 for a project to have media outlets refer to the federal government-owned weather reporting and forecasting agency as “the Bureau” instead of the Bureau of Meteorology, the BOM, or the Weather Bureau.

The man behind the rebranding efforts, principal of the Balmain-based creative consultancy, Ivor Teeshert, (main picture) said criticism of the move, especially on social media, was misplaced. Before beginning an exclusive interview with The Bug, Mr Teeshert acknowledged the traditional owners of the land on which his agency was located, Harry Triguboff and his Meriton high-rise residential development company.

The Bug: Thanks for agreeing to the interview.

IT: My pleasure. I feel that given the recent negative indicators among some strata of the consumer frontline re our client’s perceptive performance we need now to get on-message and enunciate some of the recently observable quality policy paradigm shifts.

The Bug: Errr, right. I think. Tell me, what was behind the recommendation to change what is really quite a well-known and widely accepted name for an equally well-known and respected organisation?

IT: Forward-looking agencies always invest in homogenised reciprocal innovation. We identified and benchmarked the need for a more blue-sky approach – pardon the pun – to the Bureau’s three-dimensional strategic nomenclature.

The Bug: Huh?

IT: We found a beneficial forward facing window of opportunity that motivated and uplifted the normative conceptual presentation of what is essentially a knowledge-based translational information exchange.

The Bug: Let me put it this way. Everyone knew and used the names Weather Bureau or the BOM or the Bureau of Meteorology. But if you insist on calling it just “the Bureau” it will be confused with all the other bureaus that are out there.

IT: (Laughing) What other bureaus? There aren’t any other bureaus.

The Bug: Of for fu… What about the Australian Bureau of Agricultural and Resource Economics and Sciences? The Australian Transport Safety Bureau, the Bureau of Infrastructure and Transport Research Economics?….. The Federal Bureau of Investigation or FBI in America…ummmm… that French drama series on SBS TV? That was The Bureau.

IT: Really?

The Bug: Yes, really! So be honest, what’s been achieved by your attempted rebranding?

IT: Well, as far as pivotal KPIs go, our exploratory first-phase research into the reimagining journey points to the phased interchange of internal and external milestones for organisational flexibility and a more optimum incremental realignment of consumer cognitive feedback indicators.

The Bug: Now let me finally ask – and before you answer, let me warn you I will punch your fucking wanking hipster lights out unless you give a straight answer – nothing’s been achieved actually, has it?

IT: Ah, no.