FEDERAL POLITICS:

In a world exclusive, The Bug is proud to present the transcript of the interview at which Charles Croucher was appointed Channel 9’s new political editor.

Naturally we are not at liberty to disclose how we obtained tape of the interview, nor indeed who leaked it to us, but its authenticity has been verified by experts.

We pick up the conversation as a clearly nervous Croucher enters the Nine Entertainment Co. boardroom in Sydney and is invited to sit by chairman Peter Costello.

Costello: How does it feel to be in the running for the most prestigious and respected position in Australian political journalism, one that requires unparalleled perspicacity when it comes to the dark art of politics yet viewed always through the prism of a total commitment to professionalism, where all sides of politics are treated equally without fear or favour? I guess what I’m asking, Charles, is that if you get this important position, are you confident that at the end of each of your reports, especially your to-camera comment pieces, our viewers will be left with no doubt whatsoever as to the factual, actual, state of play of any political issue du jour, courtesy of a totally balanced and unbiased presentation on your part?

Croucher: I’m sorry. Maybe a terribly mistake has been made here?  I thought I was applying for Chris Uhlmann’s job.