The Liberal Party of Australia could soon be disbanded, according to leaked preliminary findings of the two-person review of the party’s disastrous result at the May 21 federal election

The Bug has been handed exclusive access to the early findings, reportedly penned by the party’s former federal director Brian Loughnane and Senator Jane Hume.

Australia’s No1 family netzine makes it clear that these leaked documents, if indeed true to start with and not some cruel prankster’s hoax, contain only initial suggestions by the review panel.

But should this central shock recommendation of disbanding the Liberal Party of Australia survive to the review panel’s final conclusions in their report expected late this year and well after the Victorian state election, it would mean the end of a party formed by Robert Menzies in October 1944 and that has been the government of Australia for much of the time since.

“It would appear from the May results that Australian voters have finally woken up to the nonsense we’ve been spreading for decades that only the Liberal and National parties can manage economies well,” Loughnane and Hume regrettably wrote.

“With a zillion dollars in national debt – most of it racked up before the COVID pandemic hit – Phillip Coorey and Chris Uhlmann are probably the only two people in Australia who still believe that shit anyway!

“It would also appear, sadly, that the selfish, self-centred, uncaring, racist Australia that John Howard brilliantly fashioned in his own miserable image over 11 years in office and carried on for much of the nine years under Abbott, Turnbull and Morrison no longer resonate as much as it should with Australian voters.

“Voters in May showed a disturbing interest in integrity in government, concern for workers on shitty wages and asylum seekers rotting in detention here or in overseas camps, putting action on climate change rather than the needs of the coal-mining industry and the party’s other major corporate supporters, and other silly woke issues, like having a strong public service instead of farming out those jobs to privateer mates with the usual kickbacks and not flattening income tax rates to billy-O, thus depriving the federal government of the funds they used to need to do stuff.”

The two review panellists argue that worse than those “realities” of current Australian politics, the main argument for calling a day on the party rests on the clear and seemingly irreconcilable divide among its elected members of the way forward; a path back to relevance.

“We note that a number of senior Liberal politicians who attended the Conservative Political Action Conference in Sydney last weekend strongly believe that the party has to move even more to the right if that’s at all possible if it has any chance whatsoever of getting back former safe seats taken by the Labor Party, Teals and other independents in May.

“Unfortunately, there is another cohort within the party – not as small a rump as Teena McQueen would like but a rump nevertheless – who firmly believe that the Liberal Party of Australia needs to be more moderate and become Labor-Lite to stage any sort of recovery.

“To put it as bluntly as we can, we can’t see how these strongly divergent views can ever be accommodated. And for that reason alone, the disbandment of our once great party seems the only sensible option.”

Mr Loughnane and Senator Hume suggest that existing far right-wing Liberal members should ask former member Clive Palmer to resurrect his United Australia Party – ironically the forerunner of Menzies’ Liberals – and join that. Their policies would still be shit but they’ll at the very least have almost unlimited funds to campaign with and squander.

Existing Liberal moderates – well at least the ones who survived the May poll – should form the Old Menzies Liberals party and see how they fare. Or maybe The New Improved Liberals if Victor Kline wouldn’t object to that.

“But if any of our former ‘moderate’ MPs such as Josh Frydenberg, Dave Sharma and Trent Zimmerman want to recontest their seats under the OMLs or TNILs , it might also be advisable to change their surnames to Your-Teal-Candidate and ditch blue branding of any hue seeing even ‘moderate’ Liberals appear to be well and truly on the nose now.”