Dear Doctor Dick
Over recent times, I have spotted a number of disturbing photos (above and below) that have sparked just the one simple question I feel duty bound to ask: surely they must all be fake?

Fingers crossed
Perth CBD

Doctor Dick replies:

Dear Fingers Crossed of Perth CBD, relax! Of course all these photos have been doctored. In over 30 years of practice, I have treated countless thousands of men in my rooms for all sorts of problems across the sexual spectrum, from chronic sex addiction to poor sods clinically depressed, and rightly so, because they have been unable to break intimacy droughts that have lasted for months if not years. But not once have I ever encountered among that countless number – indeed not once either in my life away from those rooms and whilst mixing in general society – any Australian male so lacking in self-respect, so devoid of shame, that they would ever consider giving Holly Hughes a pearl necklace.