CHUCKARIAN ERA OFF TO SNARKY START:

A third temper tantrum in almost as many days by King Charles the Third has supporters of an Australian republic starting to believe their time is coming much sooner than they could ever have realistically hoped for.

Several days ago, video emerged of the new King of Australia and Queensland as he prepared to sign documents following his proclamation as a much-loved and respected monarch to the fawning people of the United Kingdom and beyond those shores, his loyal Commonwealth of nations.

It showed His Majesty berating staff for not clearing his desk away properly. “I’m not expected to do that sort of thing myself, surely?” he said as he waved a dismissive royal hand to speed up the process by his thoughtless aides.

Then just yesterday, the king put on a real sooky sulk when his fountain pen leaked in Northern Ireland as he signed a condolence book for his mother, Queen Elizabeth the Second. His face is clearly shown screwed up in anger, firstly at the pen’s impertinence – “Oh God I hate this!” followed by “I can’t bear this bloody thing. What they do, every stinking time!” but then at the fact that His Royal Highness had to reach for his own handkerchief when clearly of one his servants-in-waiting should have rushed forward to provide him with his new, personally monogrammed lacechief.

And now fresh video has leaked out of Buckingham Palace showing the King berating his Principal Evening Wiper for not using enough sheets to clean his royal bottom properly after His Majesty’s post-dinner ablutions. (around 4am today Australian time)

The King can be heard snarling: “For heaven’s sake man, I’m not just a prince anymore. Protocol demands at least six folded sheets to wipe my royal derriere spotlessly clean now that I’m on the throne permanently.

“And the way you sprayed on the Eau De Toilette afterwards was clumsy to say the very least and the cotton pads you used to pat my royal hindness dry were quite rough. I demand much softer ones from now on. Do you hear me, you simpleton?

“I’m not expected to do this sort of thing myself, surely? I’m not my mother, God bless her dear departed soul. This is your one and only warning. Make the same mistakes again and so help me I’ll have your head.”