THE COURTS:

The Bug’s finance and investment columnist Morrie Bezzle has been committed for trial on dozens of charges under consumer protection laws for allegedly engaging in misleading conduct in the marketing and sale of tickets to view next Monday’s funeral of Queen Elizabeth II.   

Morrison Edison Ponzi Phar Lap Bezzle, age and address unknown, pleaded not guilty to the charges and told reporters outside the Brisbane Magistrates Court (main picture) that he would be “vigorously defending” what he described was his “ongoing persecution” by federal and state consumer protection agencies.

During a brief court hearing this morning police prosecutor Sergeant Lewis Terry outlined a lengthy list of charges against Bezzle who was alleged to have sold tickets online to people wishing to witness the late Queen’s funeral service.

Sgt Terry said Bezzle had offered tickets in social media forums and chat rooms where people had been discussing the Queen’s passing.

“Queensland Police were contacted by various state Offices of Fair Trading as well as the Australian Competition and Consumer Commission who had all received complaints about Mr Bezzle’s activities,” Sgt Terry said.

“Police found that Mr Bezzle had been offering ‘royal funeral packages’ for a range of prices up to $4,500 per person and promised that buyers would be able to ‘witness history and farewell our beloved Queen’.

“Consumers began lodging complaints after discovering that his offer consisted entirely of  sending them a link to the ‘store locator’ websites of electronics retail chains Harvey Norman and JB Hi- Fi.

“Buyers were advised by Bezzle to use the retailers’ websites to enter their postcode and find their nearest store and proceed to the location on Monday to watch the funeral on one of the big-screen television sets on display in a Harvey Norman or JB Hi Fi showroom.

“Consumers began complaining to authorities once they realised that the Queen’s funeral would start at 11.00 am London time at which time the nominated retail outlets would be closed for trading in most of Australia,” Sgt Terry said.

Speaking outside the court after Magistrate Madge E. Strait committed him for trial next month, Mr Bezzle said he had simply been “offering support and comfort at a time of national and international grief”.

“Yet again the shiny arsed pen pushers have tied a struggling small businessman like me up in their red tape with their silly and unworkable ideas about offering tangible goods or services in return for consumers’ cash,” he scoffed. “That’s such an outdated concept in the internet age.”

Bezzle’s defence lawyer, Dickie Shearman QC, told reporters he would be arguing that his client was performing a valuable community service.

When pressed by reporters about his “QC” post-nominal and asked to explain why he had not become a “KC” following the ascension of King Charles III, Mr Shearman called an end to the news conference and walked off after quickly explaining that he had every right to use the initials as a Queensland citizen.