ELECTRICITY GENERATING CRISIS:

A leading Queensland coal miner has scoffed at overnight news that scientists at Stanford University in California have invented a solar panel that works at night.

Matt Canavan (file photos above) emerged from the underground mine he works with his identical siblings in the backyard of his central Queensland home to restate his oft-spoken claim that renewable energy would never, ever, replace the vast and cheap supplies of coal in Australia to provide all the power the residential, commercial and industrial sectors the nation needs.

“Good heaven’s above. Does anyone seriously believe the amount of electricity these panels would generate at night would be of any real use,” Mr Canavan said from Rockhampton before heading to the showers and a welcome cuppa. “It’s some university researchers’ wankfest; some gyro gearloose inventor’s wet dream. It has to be.

“And even if these panels did work, everyone always conveniently forgets that the sun is expected to burn out in about five billion years,” Mr Canavan said, wiping coal dust from his sweaty brow after a 12-hour stint at the coalface before being replaced by one of his siblings, Offroad.

“How are we going to generate the electricity this country needs to keep warm then, hey!”

“Mark my words. The world is going to be grateful when that time comes and with Australia possessing countless quantities of premium-grade bituminous coal to stop us all from freezing to death.”

Mr Canavan’s view was enthusiastically endorsed by Channel 9 political editor Chris Uhlmann: “I have been saying for a long, long, time now that the sun will not always shine,” he said from Sydney.

At top: Matt Canavan today (colour pix) and file photos with his pit donkey, Barnaby, and his siblings Offroad and Four-Wheel-Drive.