SMALL BUSINESS:

A Canberra contract cleaner says the Albanese Government’s two-day jobs and skills summit proved to be a “goldmine” with his small one-person firm generating the equivalent of its entire annual income during this week alone.

Des Infectant said he had been contacted by Parliament House staff on the morning of the summit’s first day on Thursday and asked to attend the building as a matter of urgency.

“They offered me much, much more than my usual rate to ditch all my other cleaning commitments for the rest of the week and base myself at Parliament House 24/7 for the duration of the summit,” Mr Infectant said.

“When I arrived they explained that while Parliament House has its own team of cleaners their ranks needed to be dramatically bolstered because of the summit.

“In particular they needed round-the-clock cleaning of the main meeting spaces and breakout rooms where Australian business and industry leaders had based themselves.

“It seems the business delegates were really making a mess of the place by constantly and uncontrollably shitting themselves once it became clear that a key aim of the summit was going to be how to lift wages for Australian workers.

“That was the first day. It was really tough. There was shit everywhere, with spray patterns typical of explosive diarrhoea.

“It just got worse when the issue of industry-wide bargaining by unions came up on the summit agenda.

“The volume of sloppy faeces went off the scale and the smell was terrible. Luckily I had packed my hazmat suit. (main picture)

“There was even shit on the ceilings, which I’ve never seen before,” Mr Infectant added.