CANBERRA: A petition will be presented to federal Parliament at its next sittings calling on three prominent Liberal senators to dye their hair black. The e-petition only began circulating several weeks ago and already has the signatures of more than 45,000 Australian blondes.

“These three have really been giving us a bad name, especially with some of the shit that’s come out of their gobs since the May election,” said one blonde behind the petition who asked not to be named.

“We added 8000 signatures just overnight after Senator Cash called Mark McGowan the “premiere” of Western Australia.”

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SYDNEY: A second book by two prominent political scribes on how Australia fared during the Coronavirus pandemic is set to hit the shelves soon, right on the heels of Simon Benson’s and Geoff Chambers’ Plagued: Australia’s Two Years of Hell – The Inside Story.

Great Scott: How Australia’s best prime minister ever selflessly took on five additional ministries to save 40,000 Australian lives from COVID-19 and would have been easily re-elected if only voters had known about his heroic and tireless deeds on their behalf has been penned by Phillip Coorey and Chris Uhlmann.

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SYDNEY: Former Prime Minister Scott Morrison is being treated by specialists over recurring, horrific, nightmares in which Governor-General General Sir David Hurley resigns abruptly and the Albanese Government quickly announces his replacement has been whittled down to a choice of two: Grace Tame or Christine Holgate.