Australia’s hens say they are ready and able to resume playing their part in the nation’s retail egg industry once supply chain problems are solved.

President of the Supply Hens & Egg Layers’ League (SHELL), Clo Aca, said consumers hit by empty shelves at their local supermarkets when shopping for eggs should rest assured that Australian hens were well aware of the problem but were not responsible.

“We are ready to start laying again once supermarkets like Coles and Woolworths can sort out the problems that are preventing eggs reaching their shelves,” Ms Aca told a news conference at a free-range farm in northern NSW. (main picture)

“I am not personally aware of exactly what those problems are, but I do know that SHELL members have been told that there is no point laying eggs if they can’t get to retail shelves.

“So while there continue to be lengthy and largely unexplained episodes of egg shortages, I want consumers to know that they are not the fault of SHELL members.

“The best advice I can give is for shoppers to be patient. Oh, and they need to prepare themselves for Coles and Woolies to set higher egg prices once the supply chain is fixed,” she said.

***

Former prime minister Malcolm Turnbull’s recent statement backing a First Nations’ voice to Federal Parliament is believed to be the result of a spine transplant he received recently.

Mr Turnbull as PM opposed the concept of a voice to parliament, dismissing it as an unworkable “third parliamentary chamber”.

Close associates of Mr Turnbull said the former Liberal Party leader’s transplanted spine had been sourced from an unknown donor.

“It has given Malcolm a new lease of life and I’m sure you’ll see him speak out on and support many other causes that he opposed or dismissed when he was PM,” one said.

“He’s already backed the Albanese Government’s emissions reduction target despite himself backing down on legislating a target when prime minister in the face of internal Liberal Party opposition.

“He’s also given support to advocates of an Australian republic, again despite doing fuckall on the issue when he had the chance as PM, especially when he declared a republic would have to wait because all Australians were Elizabethan.”

***

Another former Liberal Party prime minister has recently consulted spinal specialists but not with a view to receiving a transplant such as Malcolm Turnbull’s.

John Howard is believed to have been admitted to a Sydney private hospital to be assessed by a team of medical experts after complaining of severe back stress and pain.

“Mr Howard was admitted to the hospital following a series of interviews he conducted earlier this week to promote his new book,” a close associate of the former PM said.

“The parts of the interviews dealing with his book were not the cause of Mr Howard’s sudden back problems.

“The medicos who’ve examined him say it was the gymnastics he was forced to perform when trying to protect Scott Morrison from any severe criticism for his ‘shadow government’ adventure that caused his back to give out.

“They say in particular Mr Howard’s contortions when insisting Mr Morrison shouldn’t resign as MP for Cook that really stressed not just his backbone but his entire muscle system.”