The Seven Network has triggered an immediate response by its main commercial rival after announcing comedian Mark Humphries will join its news team.

Today’s national broadshit The Australian reports (below) that Seven has signed Humphries to present a weekly comedy segment.

Humphries is best known for his previous work on ABC TV’s 7.30 program where he also had a weekly gig poking fun at current events and political figures.

My sources at the Nine Network tell me the response by senior executives there was instantaneous.

“The frantic calls among the network’s head honchos started as soon as they read The Oz story,” a Nine insider told me.

“The consensus was that Nine not only needed to inject comedy into its bulletins – over and above its current political coverage – but Nine News also needed to trump Seven as distinct from Trumping it as it has been doing for some time now.

“With Peter Costello’s chair as chair vacant it was left to some experienced hands to find a solution.

“Luckily Eddie Maguire was one of those involved in the calls this morning and came up with the answer.

“Eddie suggested that Nine double down on its ‘blokey’ image and not only engage a comedian for a weekly spot, but have him – as usual it was only ever going to be a ‘him’ –  read the flagship 6.00 pm bulletin on a national basis.

“So Nine has today signed Mick Molloy as its sole newsreader (main image) and will break the news to all state and territory newsreading teams that they’re all being boned. Eddie’s been given that task.”

My Nine source said Molloy was not the first network’s first choice.

“Originally Eddie suggested veteran stand-up comic Lucky Grills,” my source told me.

“Eddie said Lucky (below) was a top bloke, had a long history on the NSW club scene, and was always willing to ‘work blue’.

“Unfortunately someone broke it to Eddie that Lucky had died in 2007, so the job went to Mick.”

Want to be alerted immediately a new blog hits Australia’s longest running and most offensive satire site? Simply click on the Follow sign or the link below to be emailed new yarns the moment they are uploaded! The very second we go far too far – and trust us we will – you can then quickly unfollow via the three dots!

Follow The Bug Online on WordPress.com