That’s right. It’s time for all-out war, Steven Miles, if you want a snowflake’s chance in hell of winning the October 26 state election.

Or to put my plea to you in coarser form: it’s time to get cunty!

No, Not Sopranos’ cunty as in old woman cunty! Bob Hawke/Paul Keating cunty as in angry bloke cunty.

It’s time to ditch the Captain Toothy persona and if you can’t help that sunny disposition on your dial because that’s who you basically are, at least become the Smiling Assassin.

And your enemy is Queensland’s media outlets. They are not your friends. Never have been; never will. Get to those mattresses and take no prisoners.

The large bulk of Queensland’s mainstream media want you gone in four months and eleven days’ time. I repeat: The Courier-Mail and The Sunday Mail want you dead, buried and cremated. We at The Bug don’t call them the LNP’s Bowen Hills branch for nothing.

If you think their totally unprofessional, unjournalistic, pro-LNP bias was red-hot the last three state elections, well, hunker down, Stevie lad, ‘cos it’s going to be even worse – hard to imagine as that possibility is – for the 2024 campaign. There’s 18 weeks exactly to polling day and it’s going to be hellish.

Human slough James Campbell will no doubt once more be writing his pro-LNP splashes from his Herald-Sun bunker for both those disgraceful rags. Editorials urging this “tired, devoid of ideas, used-by-date, corrupt government” to be sent packing will be run over and over again. Each and every LNP policy announcement will be given star treatment.

And the commercial TV news bulletins will probably go to 90-minute sessions over the campaign proper, to fit in all the teenage team crime rampage videos that have all Queenslanders cowering in their homes. Hmm, make that two-hour bulletins to fit in the ambulance ramping and general health care crisis and the cost of living epidemic.

And as for Sky LNPNews “hosts” and Nine Entertainment shock jocks at 4BC? If you think you’ll be getting a fair deal out of them, then maybe you should have the paper shredders on standby right how.

I repeat: None of these people are your friends. Suck up to them and they’ll see that as a fatal weakness to be exposed.

You’re probably far too nice a person to accept this advice from a “crash or crash through” type strategist trained in the Gough Whitlam style but I’d tell the media mob to go fuck themselves with a rubber hose. At the very least the ones back in February who pushed that disgusting bogus beatup line that you were laughing at the extent of youth crime in Queensland. I would be demanding a full and unconditional apology from the likes of Sky LNPNews Brisbane bureau chief Adam Walters before accepting any questions from him.

I know you won’t do that but you’ve got to call out these “journos” and demand they give you a fair suck of the sauce bottle.

Do a Stephen Andrews by all means and spend forever answering their inane, loaded, LNP Dorothy Dixers but show that inner cunty and demand they give you a fair go.

And please, starting today, no special exclusive drops to any of these “news” organisations. Given what they’ve got planned for you and your Labor team, they don’t warrant or deserve it.

And here’s a final piece of advice you also probably won’t take either. Announce today that a returned Miles government will not be spending a single red cent with the LNP’s Bowen Hills branch for the duration of that four-year term.

It’s a win, win, in my view. The harder the LNP’s Bowen Hills branch goes at you, then maybe you might just have Buckley’s chance rather than none of getting a fourth term.

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