MEDIA NEWS:

News Crap Australia columnist Gerard Henderson is in a Sydney hospital (main picture) after collapsing at work yesterday.

A source within the national broadshit The Australian said Henderson’s collapse came when he was busy at his desk writing an upcoming column.

“Gerard was bashing away at his keyboard and muttering loudly and breaking every now and again to pray and recite the rosary, as he always does when he’s crafting his columns,” the insider said.

“Then a bicycle courier arrived and handed him a very important looking envelope and asked him to sign for its delivery.

“Gerard tore it open then let out a piercing shriek, jumped to his feet, spontaneously ejaculated, and began dancing around the newsroom waving the letter while repeatedly saying ‘Yes! Yes! Yes!’.

“He created such a scene that he woke Greg Sheridan at his nearby desk who spilled the mug of cocoa he was cradling on his dressing gown.

“Gerard danced around the newsroom showing everyone the letter and the name and signature of the ABC chair at the bottom.

“The letter said he had been chosen not only as the new host of the ABC’s Media Watch to replace Paul Barry, but also to take over hosting Insiders from David Speers.

“But then one of the junior editorial staff members noticed that the letter mentioned ‘Barry Paul’ not ‘Paul Barry’ and ‘David Spears’.

“Then someone else noticed it was signed ‘Kym Williams’ not ‘Kim Williams’. Another picked up a typo that should have read ‘ABC’.

“Gerard stopped dancing. He remained rigid for a moment, in every sense, then cried ‘Noooooo!’ before dropping to the floor.”

The newsroom source said an ambulance was called which rushed Henderson to St Vincent’s Hospital where he is being held for observation.  

“Gerard originally asked the paramedics to take him to St Mary’s Cathedral, but they insisted on heading to the hospital,” the source said.

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