DEFENCE:               

The Albanese Government has swiftly initiated a fallback plan in the event reported political unrest in the United States results in the collapse of the AUKUS pact signed by the Morrison Government to purchase a fleet of nuclear submarines.

The new strategic alliance between Australia, the United Kingdom, and the USA followed the scrapping of the Royal Australian Navy’s contract with the French consortium initially signed up to supply the new fleet.

A federal government insider said the future of the AUKUS pact was now under a cloud with news that senior politicians and officials in Washington DC have been casting doubt on its claimed benefits for the USA and its alleged negative impact on the nation’s submarine production capabilities.

“As soon as Prime Minister Albanese heard that news he sprung into action to ensure Australia can replace our current fleet of Collins class subs as soon as possible,” the insider said.

“He immediately conferred with Deputy Prime Minister and Defence Minister, Richard Marles, who quickly came up with a solution.

“As a result the Deputy PM will now be spending a lot of his time cruising the centre aisle at Aldi stores hoping for a bargain buy of submarines.

“He has already been seen hanging around all day inside his local Aldi in Geelong West. (below)

“The Minister reasons that Aldi’s famous centre aisle sells all sorts of stuff you wouldn’t necessarily think a supermarket would stock, so there’s a good chance a fleet of subs could be on offer.

“Aldi also doesn’t always advertises the goods it plans to stock in its centre aisle so Minister Marles knows he may have a long wait.

“But the wait so far has paid off with the Deputy PM picking up a couple of dozen surplus US-made missiles. (main picture) He’s hoping that maybe next week Aldi will be selling the launchers that fit them so we can actually use them if needed.

“He has also heard a strong rumour from the Geelong West Aldi store staff – well, when I say store staff I mean that one guy with the funny beard who does the shelf stocking and runs the checkout – that a French made DIY submarine kit might be making an appearance as a clearance item in the centre aisle soon.

“The Deputy PM has the patience and the Defence Department’s debit card so it’s now just a matter of waiting,” the insider said.